Guru Bumpin’ at the Spirit, Harmony, Insight and Truthfest.

I find 4-leaf clovers all the time. Look at those pics on the left if you don’t believe me. One time I started scanning them ’til I realised I found ‘em every day so why bother. I’ve found a few hundred clovers I guess, but only twice was there such an obvious lucky result – once I found 50 cents in the grass like 3 seconds after, and recently I found $10 within a few seconds. Every time I find one, I start thinking about superstition. Here are my reasons for not believing in the luck of 4-leaf clovers:

I found money those two times because I was looking at grass. I don’t remember the other times I found money because clover wasn’t involved. Selective memory is the main reason superstitions start! People have all sorts of stupid beliefs about tea leaves, touching wood and not tempting fate by saying “Gee, I hope we don’t crash.” Imagine how powerful you could be if all that stuff were true. By now I should be basically the Emperor from Return of the Jedi. Luck isn’t a thing. It’s just a name we give to good fortune! Thinking of luck like some sort of magical gas is a mistake. If you see a blue car, then the a blue building, and finally a man with blue eyes, that doesn’t mean you are being visited by St Bluto the Blue, and are bound to see more blue things. It is just a label you ascribe to something you notice. This idea causes gamblers to believe they are ‘on a roll’ and for people to think they are ‘due for some good luck’, and it just makes hippies disappointed and confused about life instead of just confused about life. In Ben Kenobi’s experience there’s no such thing as luck. He might have meant the opposite of the point I am making, but the thing about Star Wars is you can interpret it in all kinds of ways. If luck is a tangible force then what is it about a plastic, battery-operated cat statue that attracts this ethereal mist? If you believe in luck, you believe in a magic, supremely intelligent force that manipulates the laws of physics in clever and subtle ways ultimately resulting in me finding a bit of money 2 out of 300 times. This means you probably need to think a bit deeper. For such a powerful magic, it’s pretty lame. If luck is more subtle and far-reaching than rolling a six after blowing on the dice like a twat, then a person will reap greater rewards going on a diet, or a nice walk, or joining a zumba class than allowing hideous lucky hairs to grow out of a massive lucky mole on your face. The old ghosts hunched over pokies, or smoking cigarettes at the TAB are the best proof that luck is not a force you can control by picking clover or wearing lucky tracksuit pants. QED.

This lecture is copyright Downer Productions, 2011, a division of Pisswee Inc.